The Name of the Game - Happy Accidents & Magic

I've been making a lot of art lately.  Process art.  Healing art.  Not necessarily "good" art, but instead, art that is good for my soul.  Art that is helping me heal.  Art that is helping me process so many pent up, pushed down, bottled up, dark and messy feelings that I didn't even realize I had until I started creating, again.

The past couple of weeks have been nothing less than heroic leaps of faith off the cliff of Life as I know it into a pool of possibility vortexes, some wanting to soothe me, some wanting to take me under, some wanting to spit me out, some genuinely offering me a whole new world.  I'm learning to be very intentional about which vortex I allow to suck me in.  I'm learning to say a firm, intentional, NO to that which I intuit is not good for my soul.  It feels so healing.  It feels empowering.  It feels great!  

I'm taking a course, an online art course, aimed at unleashing a creative journey to inner freedom, "one piece of art at a time".  I love it!  I feel so at home there.  I feel so connected, so supported, with the artistic facilitators and the other participants as well.  The energy of the group is very welcoming, safe and nurturing.  I am free to be my authentic me...and free to encourage others to do the same.  

It is a 6-week journey (we're moving into week 3) and I have promised to allow myself plenty of guilt free time to CREATE.  I have promised to allow myself the freedom to become immersed in old mediums, new mediums, good art, bad art and lots of creative play.  It is SO awesome!!

I'm so excited about the power of art, remembering, rediscovering.  Do you know what I mean?  Have you ever felt it too?  The power of the creative process?  It's pure magic really.  It is an energy unexplainable and one to be reckoned with, especially if ignored.  It's especially dangerous if left to die.

It can become toxic.  It can become our death.  And if it does, it will cry out to be resurrected.  It will cry out to be saved.  It will cry out to be reborn.  The question is, will we listen or not?  It is our very own lifeline calling out to save us if only we would take its hand.  It saves us, as we save it.  It's a simple, yet very brave, "yes" if we can speak it. 

It is our Eternal muse.  It is our higher Self waiting to embrace us, to guide us, to assist us.  It can heal us.  It can free us, if we just say YES.  Although not always gentle, yet always true, she is a very loving mistress if we do, say yes. Taking this Unleashed course; this is me saying yes.  Hell yes.  Thank you!

When I embarked upon the Artist's Way course at home, on my own at the beginning of this new year, I was dipping my toe into that pool of artistic rediscovering.  It was a great place to get me remembering.  It was a great way to get me reconnected.  All along I knew that somehow, I wanted to tap into this power of creativity more fully and more deeply in order to create my own way of connecting and facilitating and sharing with others, my philosophy, my story and the healing power of love and art.

Last week I found myself dropping out of a very big and expensive course that I had signed up for because I thought it would free me.  I thought it would help me overcome my money blocks and the fear of not having any of my own.  It was the "only spiritual business program that guarantees that you will make money by the time you graduate."  I thought that was what I needed.  It sounded good. I felt good energy coming from the "Leader" of the course.  I even pulled some of my own tarot cards to get some guidance before taking the leap, making the investment.   I thought the message was pretty good, pretty clear.  I thought they were saying yes.  

So, back in November, I signed up for this course and started making payments on it from day one.  The course was delayed from a January start date to a March launch, meaning my making money was thereby also delayed, so I started looking for other ways to get a start on creating something to buy my freedom.  I thought the course would save me.  But once I got into it, I quickly felt like it didn't serve me.  I couldn't explain why, but I just didn't feel good about it.   

Naturally, my first move was to blame myself.  Fear set in like a motherfucker.  I wondered, was it just resistance?  I am very good at that.  Was something wrong with me?  Or could it really be that something was just not quite right with this course and how, and what it was promising to do for me? For many weeks everything felt like it was falling apart, not coming together.  This sent me into the vortex of signing up for course after course to fix the fears that the course that was supposed to fix my problems was causing me.

 The whole point of the original course was to learn to be able to tap into my intuition in order to align energy in myself and others.  But my intuition was telling me to run...from the very start.  Fight, flight, freeze and faun have been themes presented in my art and life and my process has been helping me navigate this part of my journey and move forward.  

The irony, the twist here, is that I am actually feeling so safe, and free and capable and aligned with my soul and my future and my purpose right now.  That first course did liberate me in a mystical, magical way that I had never intended.  I'm just not afraid of all of the consequences of dropping out, of the money that is still being withdrawn from my bank account because I signed a contract.  I might rejoin the course next spring, if I choose, but in the meantime, I am truly free and creating the path that is opening up so many beautiful doors and possibilities.  No mistakes here, just a bunch of happy accidents and a bucketload of magic.  

Sending you a little fairy dust and a bunch of unicorn magic for your own creative dreams and possibilities too!  You deserve them.  Go get them!